So, I have been complaining a lot lately. More than normal. Complaining has somehow become part of life. I complain about everything, not just the weather which well, everyone complains about the weather but...
The past two weeks have been tough, I will say that. It all started when Beck, our exceptionally content 8 month old son, had a booster shot. He had a reaction to the vaccine resulting in 3 days of fever and irritability. All normal side effects. The first night wasn't too bad. He was a little cranky, he went to bed early and that was that. The next day was the worst day of my life as a mother, followed by my second worst night as a mother, followed by my worst night as a mother. Cranky, inconsolable, sleepless baby. Not fun. To top it off, Luke my husband was also coming down with a cold. Then, just for fun, I also got a cold and then Beck got it too.
Luke was afraid our sweet boy was broken "What happened to our good baby?" he would say.Each morning I would wake up, sicker and more tired than the day before. I would think to myself "oh how I wish I could just not wake up today!". (That is a bad day right there. Not thoughts I should be having.)
The past two weeks have been tough. That part is real.
Everyone is thankfully nearly back to health.
Last night as I laid in bed, I began reflecting on this time. I confessed to Luke that this was the first time that I had felt good, happy, healthy, joyful, in as many days. I began to ask myself What would I change?" The only answer I could conjure was My Attitude. Then I started wondering "what would I even do if this wasn't happening to me, if life were easy?"
Life is what happens while we're busy making other plans" wrote John Lennon. Though there is great debate about what he meant, the first thing I thought of was Proverbs 16:9 "The heart of man plans his way,but the LORD establishes his steps."
I wish I could have seen the lesson in the hardship, that I could have "rejoiced" in my suffering, drawing close to the LORD. Sometimes life is hard. Though the moment seems to last for an eternity, (especially long nights with baby) these are the moments we remember, that make a life. I hope to look back on them and say that I made it. I know that Beck is only small for so little time in the Grand Scheme, precious moments are fleeting.
This time has prompted me to look back at other hard times in my life, some self-inflicted. And though I have often wished I could take back the moment, I would never take back the lesson. And so I suppose the Lord has accomplished his purpose. Even in my bad attitude, my sin and rebellion. And THAT is what gives me joy, that He has a plan, that His name may be glorified. And so, we press onward.
"It's supposed to be hard! If it wasn't hard, everyone would do it. The hard... is what makes it great!" -Jimmy Dugan, A League Of Their Own.
